Progress?

Today I received my information for COBRA. Each letter is another jab, another level of reality that this has actually happened to me. That this company that talks of family and values could do this to someone who worked faithfully and honorably for them for 15 years. The betrayal I feel is so overwhelmingly profound.

Wow. $581.88 to cover just me.

I already informed the kids that they would need to acquire healthcare for themselves beginning May 1. Hopefully their jobs or their spouse's jobs will provide for them. So, I completed my application on the National Healthcare Registry and I do qualify for some reduced plans. Good news. The bad news is my doctor only accepts PPO types of insurance, not the cheaper HMO types. In fact there is not a doctor in a 60 mile radius that accepts HMO's. To add to the Hub's insurance the cost would be 337 a paycheck. Crazy. That's just crazy talk.

Two panic attacks and multiple doses of Lorazapam later and after verifying how much my prescriptions will cost a month, I am now signed up with Blue Cross and Blue Shield Bronze coverage. But I may have picked the wrong one. I am waiting for Blue Cross to contact me with the payment information to verify I actually selected the one I intended to select. I signed up for the $328.92 a month plan, but I might actually need the other one that costs a little more. I just need one that has a co-pay on the doctor visits and not the completely out of pocket until you reach your $5,000 deductible one.

This being unemployed is pricey. Not to mention the emotional toll. I am a mess of anxiety and panic. Talking to a woman about just working part time to pick up extra cash and she asked "why in the world did you leave (insert old company name)! You can't get those benefits anywhere else around here!" and into a panic attack I go. How likely do you think it is she asks me to work for her? I am so afraid of what I will do on an interview for a job that really counts.

I have an appointment schedule tomorrow with a financial adviser used by friends of mine. We are going to discuss the options I have with my 401k. I have some homework to do gathering information for that appointment which I am successfully avoiding by writing this blog.

I applied for a job with IBM and I am looking at applying for college and seeing what kind of grants I could get as an older women trying to improve her life. Unfortunately most of my experience comes from working, not from formal training. It's hard to convey that type of experience on these forms. I want to add a section where they can SEE me, talk to me. See how smart and fabulous I really am.